?   !   My name is Chloe. I am 22 years young. I love people and great conversation. Animals, art, music, photography, films, actors, nature, writers, books, along with the occasional rant. These are just a few of the things I love. This is my blog.

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged….

7/18/14 3:30 am

I am overcome with grief and regret.  I no longer know who I am.  Living a life I never thought I would be, sickened with myself, living a lie every day, hiding the truth from myself, not able to tell who I am anymore or what I’ve become.  Lost is all I know.  I cannot let go of my past, I carry it around with me like a bag of bricks.  But for who?  For what?  Am I simply punishing myself for all the pain I’ve caused to others in my lifetime?  The pain I’ve caused needlessly with my ignorance, blindness, selfishness and sickening physical wants/needs?  I feel so much.  I have so much pain and regret.  Every day, I think about him.  I think about the times we had and the life we were creating, the people I loved and left behind.  My pets, my precious little animals, whom I loved so dearly!  My darling, dare I speak his name?  It’s poison to my mind, I have become addicted to.  I can’t help but think, WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF!  Why!  Why must these thoughts overwhelm and control me so hard!  Why am I unable to control myself or my mind?  Why am I so unstable, unmotivated, and selfish?  What lacks in my life?  I am living just to breathe, but what am I breathing for?  I am so bored and so sickened with myself, it’s so difficult to think about anything so I drown myself with useless nonsense like tv and internet and videogames.  I have become something I’m not.  Something I have never wanted to be; a drone.  All the things I once enjoyed, all the things I saw so much beauty in, now lack the luster I once saw.  Reading and art and photography and exercise and meeting people, breathing, learning, and exploring!  It’s all gone now.  There is no more drive.  I am so tired.  I am so tired of searching and wondering and trying!  Why must this all hurt so much now like it has never before.  Why can I not let go?  What is wrong?  I am in need of help, but unable to reach out.  I am in need of release with no knowledge of where to search.  I am in so much pain with no idea of what to do.  Now, 23 years old, with the mind of a teenager still, I am carrying a baby for a man I hardly know, much less unable to tell if it’s love for him I have or just lust and fear of being without.

— 1 week ago

"

I sit before flowers
hoping they will train me in the art
of opening up

I stand on mountain tops believing
that avalanches will teach me to let go

I know
nothing

but I am here to learn.”


― Shane Koyczan

"
— 9 months ago with 33 notes

#shane koyczan 
"I sit before flowers

hoping they will train me in the art

of opening up."
Shane Koyczan (via breathemystardust)

(Source: larmoyante, via teachingliteracy)

— 9 months ago with 17721 notes

http://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?u=/watch?v=AifWSmxBncc&feature=share&a=zLIpzn7M4jk5d8YINNpPjA →

Lima, Peru creates an billboard that transforms air humidity into purified drinking water… how cool!

— 9 months ago